Friday, September 4, 2009

Winning the Lottery

How fortunate am I!! This morning Mrs Stella Ellis advised me that I have won a cash prize of one million pounds in the British Lottery. She sent her heartiest congratulations.

How kind! Thanks, Stella!

The delightful Mr Fred Peters (who is not a Nigerian based in Lagos, she assures me) has been assigned to assist me.

Is this assisting me in spending my million dollars? Or spending what money I already have in my bank account?

Stella strongly advises me to keep my winning details and information from the public to avoid fraudulant claims. And I can't claim if I am under 18 or working for the British Lottery.

Ah, they even realise that teenagers are irresponsible and would spend the million on drugs and alcohol! (Come to think of it, I might do the same .......)

And I suppose working for the British Lottery might be a bit of insider trading, so to speak. Although they would certainly know a scam when they saw one.

I only have five days to contact my mate Freddy, otherwise I lose all this lovely money. Stella urged me to contact him today, giving my name, address, age, occupation, sex

And why is my gender relevant? Will I get preferential treatment for being female, or the opposite?

Aaaaah, it's so tempting! Should I send spurious information to the hard-working Freddy? Can I string this tired old scam along for a joke or would it merely become tiresome? Perhaps I will just daydream of the day I really do win the lottery.

In the words of Marlon Brando's Stan "Stella, Stella!!!"

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